Driving Away From the Wreck of the Day

[tater_mae]

You Should Date an Illiterate Girl

Ok, I will admit, I really didn't like this article. It really upset me. As in, I had to vent about how much I did not agree with this article. But, after taking some time to mull it over (aka forgetting about it, then remembering, reading over my rant, and then actually THINKING about it), its... not as bad as I had first thought. Although, I think i was also in kind of a bitchy mood when I read it, and it just fueled my bitchiness...


A Few Weeks Ago...

I don't really like this article - mostly because I'm a Girl who Reads, and really, who's going to want to date me after reading this?

I can see where this guy is coming from. Sure, a girl who doesn't read will be easy to please, but really... is that what guys want? They don't want a challenge of sorts? They want more convenience than anything else? They want someone with... no expectations? no imagination?

Also? yes, I read books, and I say goodbye to heroes somewhat easily (I actually learned the other day, that I have a hard time letting things go. yeah, i know, surprise surprise) but... just because they look good on paper doesn't mean its what a woman or EVERY woman wants.

I like to think that there is a guy out there who is perfect for me, and I'm perfect for him. that's the guy i want. I don't care if no one ever writes our story, because really? it doesn't matter. i don't care if my life is a page-turner or not (I know its not). as long as I have someone to enjoy it with, I'll be happy. I'm not expecting Grand Overtures of Love or anything like that. Just... I don't know. An Equal. A Partner. the Yin to my Yang type thing. Someone who likes putting up with me and all my eccentricities. I want to be more than... a warm body to him. I want to be more than just... a way to pass the time, to pass through life. I don't want him with me because its expected of him, i want him to be with me because thats what he wants.

Then again, there are those who don't believe in 'The One'. They're more of a... i guess, to quote Friends "Many Flavours of Ice Cream, Grab a Spoon" kind of people. I see the merits of that. There really can't be just ONE person out there for everyone, its not very realisitic. (but then again, I'm a Girl who Reads. how realistic can i get?). Its not like you can't love a lot of people at once. Its not even like you can't BE in love with more than one person at the same time.

But that doesn't have anything to do with Not Dating Literate Girls.

From what I got from the article, the guy was just with the wrong woman. She wanted a Fairytale, or wanted too much, or HE thought she wanted too much. I get that sometimes partners - not just women, i'm sure men do it too - push their partners to be better, to be more. But I guess its everything in moderation.

I don't expect the guy of my dreams to show up on Horseback to whisk me away into the sunset. That might be fun for like... an hour or something. A date. But that's not what I want.

The guy of my dreams makes me laugh - a lot. He makes me smile, especially when i'm feeling down. he doesn't take any of my crap. He can take all my yelling and screaming, and dish it right back.*

He's not a Vampire, or a Cowboy, or a Pirate, or a Duke/Prince/Baron/King/Etc. He doesn't have to be shrouded in mystery/have a mysterious past/have a secret that will one day come back to haunt him. He doesn't have to have magical powers (but i'm not gonna lie, that would totally be a bonus). He can have issues, because what person doesn't. I'm not asking for Mr. 6" 2' Perfect Blond Hair Perfect Blue Eyes Abs of Steel Who Saved Nuns and Children from a Burning Orphanage.**

The guy that I want? Is just a regular guy. And one of the things he's good at? Should be loving me for who I am.

I may be a girl who reads, but I'm not entirely delusional. I don't think i'm asking for much. Actually, I'm asking for a lot. But I don't think its unreasonable. I don't want the guy to change who he is just because he's with me - who am I to make someone into something they're not? and if that's the case, if I DID want to change him so drastically - why the hell did we fall in love in the first place? I just mean... I know that people change and everything, and your partner should make you want to be a better person, but... theres only so much you can change about yourself before you become a completely different person, right? So if the person you're with WANTS this... other person, don't you think you should be asking yourself, 'then why the hell are they with me?' and 'do i WANT to be this other person?'

I know that I'm taking this a little too seriously, but... c'mon!! The link was sent to me, and its an interesting read, but... i just have strong feelings about it. I know that this article doesn't express every man's opinion. Nor does my little rant express every woman's opinion. we're just too ppl with differing views.


*this is not all i want. these are just a few things that I would really like in a guy.

**first off, not too keen on blonds. not that theres anything wrong with them, i just prefer brunets. also, i don't think i could ever be with someone that was... too good. not that i want someone purely evil, but... if he's too sickly sweet, i'd want to throw up and punch him in the face, and stuff like that. like, if he was super perfect and super sweet, and was kind of like... a stepford guy... i'd have a problem with him. you know??



Now...

I guess, like with girls who read, this is a guy who writes. And in his own way, he's writing out his own version of his kind of love story. And his heroine? Is a girl who doesn't read.   

Comments

[phrenitis.livejournal.com]

I'm going to offer a completely different viewpoint, and hope that's okay! A friend forwarded this to me, and I absolutely fell in love with it. But, I think that's cause I'm reading it exactly opposite of you.

I'm fairly sure the writer is actually trying to show that a girl who doesn't read is safe and tame, it's a life that is expected, boring, uneventful, emotionless. The girl who reads is the one that is challenging, difficult, smart, and therefore worth it because it's a life that is emotional, exciting, painful and alive.

Just my thoughts. :)

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with your assessment; the author is implying that a girl who does read would be a superior choice.

Still, I absolutely HATE the article. Because I am a SUPAH FEMINIST and this article just demonstrates everything that is WRONG with society and gendered norms: men, if you're not entirely happy in your relationship? GET THE FUCK OUT. It's not fair to this unnamed woman that you fake your emotions for her! What the hell ever happened to honesty and the decency to treat yourself and others with the respect they deserve?!

[phrenitis.livejournal.com]

Oh absolutely, yes. Completely agree with that! It's the one aspect to the whole thing that does put me on edge. The settling.

And on the flip side, I actually feared sharing the article with other people since the majority of men would read it at face value. But then I like to think, would I really want to date a guy who read it that way anyway? ;)

Here's another fun piece of writing: Why You're Not Married

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

... That article is satire, right?

[phrenitis.livejournal.com]

Oh I sure hope so! That's how I took it anyway, because otherwise... just, no.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm just confused by the number of people who are taking it at face value.

Actually, confused isn't the right word. More like HORRIFIED.

[phrenitis.livejournal.com]

My coworker and I each posted one of those articles on our respective Facebook pages and have an ongoing bet as to how many friends/family members will actually recognize either piece for what it is. It's amusing most days, and then incredibly sad and depressing.

[tater-mae.livejournal.com]

OMG YOU GUYSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! <3333333

Seriously I was in a bad mood and took it in a negative way. Looking at it the way you guys are makes me like it Sooooooooooo much more. (and I actually just read it once then started to bitch about it)

But seriously. I <3 you guys.

[phrenitis.livejournal.com]

<3 <3 <3

And yeah, it's easy to take it that way, and actually, that's part of its charm really. But YES! It can be much more positive and happy and SMRT GRLS. ;)

[tater-mae.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you pointed me in that direction. The way I saw it before makes me think I had rage blinders on and only saw it in a negative way. SMRT GIRLS FTW!

[phrenitis.livejournal.com]

Also, Cait! Random comment that does not belong here, but oh well: I had tried avoiding Hawaii Five-O (mostly because I watch way too much TV as it is), but your posts made me intrigued. And so I watched an episode. And now I can't stop. DAMN YOU.

[tater-mae.livejournal.com]

Jennnnnnnnn!!!!!!

THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA! 5-0 is my new favourite show and it's amazing! (if not sometimes kind of unbelievable but still awesome) I stayed away for the first few eps but a friend at work suggested it and I caved. It also doesn't hurt that the whole cast is SO PRETTY *drools*

[phrenitis.livejournal.com]

ALL FOR YOUUUUU! Seriously, the amount of times I've made you watch things, I thought it only fair that I try something you kept raving about. <3

Also, DANIEL DAE KIM. That right there makes me go YES PLEASE MORE.

[tater-mae.livejournal.com]

I LOVED EVERYTHING YOU "MADE ME WATCH"

and DDK is one of the reasons this show is so awesome. I named my iTouch Chin Ho Kelly because he's just SO. FRAKKING. AMAZING. (my old iPod was Elizabeth) I love that he's on my tv every Monday nights. H50 make Mondays bearable :P